What do you think of when you see a thin woman? Do you see what you consider to be the perfect woman? Do you see a faceless body with a waist size you wish you could have? Do you ever think to yourself that you could never pull off an outfit like her? Does your stomach turn because maybe she's too thin? Do your thoughts turn to things like, "I bet she doesn't have to count calories. I bet she can eat whatever she wants, sit on the couch all day long and never gain an ounce. Man, I wish I could be like that." Do you ever think to yourself,
"She is so lucky."?
And then, do you ever catch yourself looking at her with disdain and disgust? Or maybe fighting feelings of jealousy and even anger that some people have all the luck? Maybe you rolled your eyes at her when she complained of how she looked.
Have you ever been made fun of for your size? How your clothes don't fit right? Have you very obviously felt judged by your waist size rather than who you really are inside? Or have you ever been told to your face that you make someone sick because of the way you look?
I have.
When I was in college, I was told that I made someone so sick, they couldn't be around me or even look at me because of my size. I had a lot of nicknames in high school; "chicken legs" comes to mind. Not as many in college - we were so much more sophisticated then. Strangers made comments to me in public. Comments were made about my body after I had my babies. I don't know about you, but all of those things hurt. They cut deeply. They affected my body image and my self-esteem. They made me want to hide.
They made me feel ugly.
I'm going to tell you something now that will likely surprise you unless you already know me. Do you know how big I was during those times?
Size 0-2. Maybe a 5/6.
It's no secret that Americans struggle with food. I can't scroll through my Facebook feed, look at apps on my phone, see a magazine cover, watch TV or pretty much exist in the world without seeing ads and groups and diets for losing weight. It's a common issue that many people are taking ownership of and doing something about it for the sake of their health.
I highly respect these people. Maybe you're one of them. I respect you for what you're doing. For the fight you fight everyday to say "NO!" to the deliciousness that beckons from your cabinets, refrigerator, grocery store aisles, or favorite local food establishment. For the decisions you have to constantly make - exercise or movie? Popcorn and M&M's or carrots? Skim milk or whole? Go to weight loss group and face the scale of doom? While I don't understand first-hand the fight to lose weight, I do know about fighting temptation and learning self-discipline.
And I know what it's like to take hits to my body image because of how other people view and treat me.
I have been frustrated with my body for years. I wasn't a late-bloomer. I was a no-bloomer. During an exercise class I had to take in college, the leader calls out in the midst of our grapevine move, "Now shake what your momma gave ya!" I immediately responded loudly as I attempted to shimmy my shoulders, "My momma didn't give me nothin'!" I suppose I have enough that lets other people know that I am, in fact, a woman. But it sure isn't something I take pride in. Except for the few months after my first baby. Those days were stellar. I even popped out of a button-down shirt I wore to a mom's afternoon out at Burger King! I wasn't embarrassed. I was excited and proud! (And still modest because I wore a cami underneath.)
Shopping for clothes that look right has left me crying in the dressing room. I can't wear any shirts with darts on them or deep v-necks. Certain dress styles are just not a good plan. Ruching is my best friend in a shirt. And some brands think that if your waist is that small, you must therefore have super-model length legs.
I don't.
A lot of people think that I have absolutely no room to complain (because I've been told so.) How dare I be unhappy with my "figure"? So many women would kill to look like me.
Do you want to know something? I feel the same way. I would love to be an 8/10. LOVE. The biggest size I ever wore was after baby #3 when I wore a waist size 7/8 and a C cup. Everything about my body was bigger. It was amazing. And I cried when I lost my baby weight.
I'm betting though that whoever says I'm lucky doesn't know that it's uncomfortable to sleep because my hip bones stick out too much. Or that I can feel my tailbone when I'm sitting down to dinner. Or that when I cross my legs, I feel more bone than I do calve. Nevermind the clothing issues.
Right now, I'm in the process of getting my body to a healthy weight. And while it's the opposite struggle most people I know face, it's a struggle just the same. It's not better than yours; it's not worse. It's just different. But it is just as valid. Maybe you have to discipline yourself not to eat certain things. I have to discipline myself to eat when my stomach is yelling, "No more!!!" I have to be aware of how long it's been since I last ate and consider that maybe how I feel is caused by my lack of eating. Because really, I don't feel good. Not just about myself - I physically don't feel good in general most of the time. I'm tired. I have no energy. And it's not just because of the kids. So now I've joined the ranks of those working hard to be more healthy. And I think we can all agree on this: IT'S HARD!
This isn't prompted because someone I know has said something offensive to me. I'm writing this because it seems to be a perspective most people haven't considered based on conversations and comments over the years and even now. And because I know I'm not the only one. I'm writing in hopes of slowly changing the way we view ourselves and others. The way we automatically judge others based on their physical features not knowing their story. I'm guilty of that too. It seems to be an acceptable cultural norm to make fun of skinny people, or make comments that hurt their feelings (ignorant of the fact that they do indeed have feelings.) But if it ever goes the other way - if ever someone comments on how much a person has gained, or calls someone the "f-word": fat, you can be sure they will experience hellfire and brimstone for it.
So I'm asking you, person to person - because that's what we are regardless of our waist size - please remember that everyone has a story. From one end of the Body Mass Index spectrum to the other, there are millions of stories in between. Their story isn't your story. Their struggle isn't the same as yours. But they are a person just the same as you. You actually have more in common with someone on the other side of the spectrum than you think. Let's seek contentment over jealousy and be an encouragement to each other as we fight for our health together.
